The Believer Magazine
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Although I Voted for You to Be Turned into Soup, There’s No Reason We Can’t Be Friends Before You Are Liquefied
“You have crudely reduced me to ‘the man who will eat me,’ which is unfair. When I see you, I see Frank from accounting, my best friend in the firm, a proud single father of two beautiful girls, and yes, someone who could potentially be made into soup.” -
Brutally Honest Emails from Academia.edu
“Your article, ‘Ekphrastic Poetry in Regency-Era Britain,’ has been viewed by the person who got your dream job at that East Coast university for which you made the shortlist.” -
We Are the People Who Buy Red Delicious Apples
“We are the silent majority, the undervalued and underrepresented, the stoic and strong. We are the people who buy Red Delicious apples, and we are done living in the shadows.” -
Scenes from the First Major League Baseball Game Featuring the New Robot Umpire, HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey
HAL 9000: Strike three. You’re out, Dave.
DAVE: That wasn’t a strike!
HAL 9000: The 9000 series has a perfect operational record, Dave. -
Excerpts from a Red-Hot Right-Wing Romance Novel
“He had a sharp, strong jawline from years of clenching it every time someone mentioned universal health care.”
Trending
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March 18, 2025Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 10, 2025As an American Jew, I Feel Completely Reassured for My Safety Now That Trump Has Targeted the Epicenter of American Antisemitism, Columbia University
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March 13, 2025It’s a Shame We Have to Betray Our Allies, Starve the Poor, Halt Scientific Progress, Destroy the Environment, and Eliminate the Freedoms Enshrined in the Bill of Rights, but at Least My Investment Portfolio Is Also Tanking
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
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March 25, 2025The Plan to Bomb the Middle East Finally Made It Out of the Group Chat
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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March 27, 2025A Letter from Believer Editor Daniel Gumbiner
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 21, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: The Process: Judy Baca, Generation on Fire, 2023
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March 14, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Michael Smith
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March 7, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Stuff I’ve Been Reading: Winter 2024
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March 5, 2025Short Conversations with Poets: Dong Li
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February 28, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Resurrector: Black Square
News & Announcements
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Tendency Editor Chris Monks will be at the New Orleans Book Fest discussing humor writing with editors from the New Yorker, The Onion, and Reductress. Click for details.
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Dave Eggers will be touring the northeast in early April in support of his Newbery Medal-winning book, The Eyes & the Impossible. Click for details.
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Behold the heroes on our Patreon Donor Wall of Fame
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Visit DAVEEGGERS.NET
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Recent Posts
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March 26, 2025Star Wars Quotes That I, a Federal Employee, Would Like to Say to Elon Musk
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March 26, 2025How to Cosplay as a Parent
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March 25, 2025The Plan to Bomb the Middle East Finally Made It Out of the Group Chat
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March 25, 2025Acknowledgements
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March 24, 2025My Mother-in-Law Wouldn’t Complain If She Didn’t Get Her Social Security Check, Because She Would Be Dead
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